Gongoozling

Goddamn sonofabitch!

I watched freaking Torchwood last night. I sat through the whole stupid, useless episode. And then, after The Richard Dimbleby Lecture, I started watching a Jim Belushi film that wasn’t Thief or Salvador. Good grief.

This hasn’t been an isolated incident. For the last four days my brain has been turning to mush. In terms of productivity, I could have just sat in the corner with my cock in my hand (optional), my chin on my chest, drooling. And there would have been no difference at all.

And boy I’ve been grouchy. It didn’t help that I was kicking my heels waiting for work to arrive and calls to be returned. Trying to fill the time, I’ve stared incomprehensibly at the daily sudoku and crosswords. The Nintendo was on the verge of being corrected on numerous occasions. When the server went down it almost looked like a Mac could fly.

Without the nicotine kick, I made sure not to compensate for the craving by stuffing my gullet with tubes of Pringles or packets of biscuits or sweets. Instead I’ve stuck to a diet of porridge for breakfast (made with water instead of milk), soup for lunch, and then either pasta with a simple tomato sauce or rice with tuna for my evening meal, followed by a fruit yoghurt.

In hindsight this was a big mistake. Because all I’ve learned about healthy living is that it’s utterly feckin’ boring. One more day and then I’m going to be racing up and down those supermarkets aisles grabbing red meat, pizza and ice cream.

I don’t drink coffee that regularly. Maybe once a month I’ll have a glass of wine or a beer, because I’m not a great drinker. No Class A’s because they turn you into a twat. All I had as a vice were the lovely little paper tubes of tobacco and chemicals and toxins to set fire to and inhale. And now that’s gone.

And without the synapses sparking I’m turning into a shuffling moron who can’t string a sentence together. This is not good. Especially now that the work has finally arrived.