Pain In The [Expletive Deleted]
At the beginning of November the Designated Author emailed from LA to see if I was interested in writing some ‘erotica’ (porn). As the month rolls to a close, and with her now back in the UK for a while, she emailed over an example.
Luckily this morning there was a sudden rush on to collate material on neurological conditions, additional to the debilitating diseases. Which meant that I didn’t get to look at it until mid-afternoon. By which time I had eaten.
I read the first dozen pages then skimmed the rest. Never mind the dry-humping, girl-on-girl action, and rape-revenge that it leads to, I was still trying to get my head around the opening act where a woman satisfies a guy who is lying under a tree with a broken leg.
Remarkably every bone is my body has remained intact through the years, at least to the best of my knowledge. Work Buddy, who has mangled a leg in the past, noted that in that situation you tend to scream for drugs to dull the pain as a first priority rather than get some action, no matter how short the nurse’s shorty skirt is.
The writing of course was bad, but that’s the Designated Author for you so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Blame the publishers for lapping it up. But then when it comes to watching porn people tend not to complain about the lighting and camera angles when there are writhing bodies tangled up on screen.
Used to writing 3000 words a day when I have to, I could easily pound this stuff out. Which would be better than the present daily grind. The money being offered is good but not great, only because of the exchange rate right now.
All I have to do is come up with a pseudonym. Maybe I should use the names of kids who pissed me off at school? Suggestions?
posted by Good Dog @ 11:05 pm
8 mouthy comebacks
8 Comments:
Dixon Toofar
There's a formula for working out your porn star name - it's the name of your first pet, plus your mother's maiden name. This would make me Princess Hunter. I don't see why you can't use the same template for your porn - sorry, erotica - writer's pseudonym.
The formula I heard was your first pet and the street you grew up on, in which case I'd be Duffy Angus.
I would be Bubbles Lane. Hey, that works.
Right, so these are the four names I'm going to IMDb at regular intervals from now on.
Well, we used to have two dogs when I was a wee nipper: Rupert and Timmie.
I would take my pick but it appears to write these masterpieces of erotic fiction I have to be a "woman". Which is very different from being someone's bitch. Now that I have experience of.
Mmmm... Bubbles...
I may have to pick Bubbles Poltroon as the pseudonym.
Already I feel dirty.
I've got one - but you can't use it because I already use it.
Nikki Love
The pet and street gives me "Oscar Brent".
Awesome! I'm using that from now on! ;-)
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