Bad Service

Last Thursday I lost my server connection. Typical really. After all, I’d had a pretty decent meeting in the morning followed by an entertaining long lunch with Clair Woodward in Camden Town. Once home, I turned on the computer to check emails and discovered the ADSL lights on the modem were out. Obviously this evened the score.

I gave it awhile then tried again. Still nothing. By mid evening, still with no joy, I had to call the TwonkTwonk customer services. To prepare I fired up the Nintendo and spent twenty-five minutes putting a bullet through every damn thing that moved. Over the years I’ve discovered that if you’re polite and try to sound resigned to the fact that it was a pointless exercise dialling the number in the first place, you can get whichever call centre muppet you speak to, to eventually admit that they’re useless at their job and have no idea what they’re doing.

Yes, I had checked that the computer was on. The power light on the modem was also on. And the wall connection was fine, thank you. After that the call centre muppet was pretty much lost for suggestions. Eventually he told me I’d have to speak to the “second tier” operatives, which were jokingly referred to as the “geek squad”. “You mean technical support people who actually know what they’re talking about?” I suggested. He gave me the number. I punched it in, stayed half an hour on hold and then gave up for the night.

Friday morning I spoke to someone who ran a few tests and established a connection through the server to the computer. Broadband was back. At least until Saturday morning when I returned home with croissants, fresh lemon juice and The Times to discover the lights out for a second time. Even the “second tier” tech had the faint whiff of a Saturday staffer looking for a quiet weekend. She suggested it be left to the line engineers who should sort it all out within forty-eight hours.

Which meant a weekend without broadband. Which meant one of the most relaxing weekends I’ve had of late. I polished off both the newspaper’s Su Doku and Samurai Su Doku, kicked back and watched Altman’s The Long Goodbye as continued proof that the 1970s was the last decade to produce consistently interesting movies, and smartly devoured the latest Lee Child novel to hit paperback.

Of course, once it came back on this morning, with a few wobbles before the signal finally settled down, I was left playing a whole load of catch up. Not only do you get what you pay for but you pay for what you get. It’s a bitch, right?