Amoebas Don't Make Atomic Bombs!

Last September there was a list doing the rounds of all the films being fast-tracked by the studios fearful of the then impending Writers Guild, Directors Guild and Screen Actors Guild strikes. Some looked interesting and entertaining: Vadim Perelman directing an adaptation of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, and Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno for The Weinstein Company.

There were also a fair amount of car wrecks waiting to happen, most of which came from the number of remakes listed: Roland Emmerich lined up for a remake of Fantastic Voyage or Scott Derrikson remaking of The Day the Earth Stood Still, which is currently filming with Keanu Reeves stepping into Michael Rennie’s shoes as Klaatu. Though Michael Eisner’s kid is prepping Creature from the Black Lagoon for Universal, so far we seem to be spared from the possibility of Robert Rodriguez turning Barbarella into something cheap and nasty or Guy Ritchie behind the camera for a remake of The Dirty Dozen – which surely would be a sign of the impending apocalypse.


Of course the list wasn’t the be all and end all of upcoming film production. To add to the woes Warner Brothers have announced they’re teaming up with Leonardo DiCaprio for a remake of Katsuhiro Ôtomo’s anime classic Akira. In live action. And possibly in two parts to make it the gift that keeps on giving. Instead of being set in the post-WWIII Neo-Tokyo of 2019, this new version will take place in “New Manhattan”, which is described as being ‘a city rebuilt with Japanese money’. Roughly translated, I guess that means it will have the Eastern design influence but be populated with American actors. Joy.

Before we scrape over our eyeballs with a cheese grater and then spray the tattered remains with warm piss, I suppose the only thing to ask is: Why?