Sunday, October 28, 2007

Do-Do Doom

After putting it off, I finally watched Doom. It would be easy to blow it off as a steaming pile of poop, make a few glib remarks, and then leave it at that. After all, that’s far more than it deserves.

The thing is, the night before I finally got around to catching Smokin’ Aces. The trailer had looked like a load of nonsense, but I’d really enjoyed Narc, Joe Carnahan’s previous film as writer and director. There was always the possibility that it could be enjoyable nonsense.

Maybe other people saw it that way. Maybe I was tired and should give it another shot somewhere down the line. I pretty much sat blank-faced through all the wild gunplay and mayhem. The only time I really registered any interest was when I figured out, pretty early on, the big twist. Oh, and Jason Bateman’s cameo made me laugh.

The spotty little oik behind the counter enthused about it as he took my money. He probably would have been in much the same rapturous state over Doom. I say I watched Doom. What really happened was that probably within five or ten minutes of slipping the disc into the player I was reading A.A. Gill’s restaurant review in The Sunday Times, then making a sandwich and a hot chocolate, checking websites while it merrily carried on in the background.

I’d look up occasionally to see the bunch of characters wandering around dark corridors blasting away at just about anything that moved with their ridiculously big guns before getting picked off. It just felt like I’d seen this film before, back when it was called Aliens, or even long before that.

Maybe it’s coincidental that British Summer Time is now over and today was gloomy and overcast. These kind of films – based on a videogame or shot to look like a videogame – just make me feel tired and old.

Within reason I’ll give anything a shot as long as it’s got a decent story (which obviously narrows the list right there). But more and more I get the feeling that I’m outside not just the audience but the age range of a large portion of the new films rolling into cinemas.

I’d watch any kind of nonsense when I was in my teens and could get to a cinema. Those films might not have been as slick but I just don’t remember them being so stupid and noisy and utterly fucking empty.


At 9:05 am, Blogger Lucy said...

Normally your vast generalisations about the state of cinema and how it was better in your day 2000 years ago rile me as you know GD but gotta agree with you on Smoking Aces sir. I too enjoyed Narc and could not believe how poor SA was. Don't think it even got much past my fifteen minute test, maybe 20 - 25 mins. Felt the same about Lucky Number Slevin (how predictable?!?!?) tho I got to the end in the hope that it didn't turn out the way I thought it would within three mins. Which it did. *Sigh*.

As for Doom... Didn't I tell you? HMMMMM? Listen to your aunty Lucy next time. Or...Sit thru crap films.

At 9:16 am, Blogger Ian said...

Guess I'm alone here then, in that I enjoyed "Smokin' Aces" as the bubble-gum entertainment it was. (I also enjoyed "Lucky Number Slevin"). I thought both films showed directorial flair, and whilst the scripts may have been less than brilliant, they were infinitely superior to the likes of "Pirates of the One-Set-Piece-To-Another-With-No-Attempts-To-Tie-Them-Together-In-Anything-Remotely-Approaching-A-Coherent-Plot".

Sounds like you should both avoid "Flood" (an expensive, but pretty much direct-to-DVD release that hits stores today) - a British attempt to make a disaster movie. You can probably guess how that one turns out (although seeing various landmarks of London get trashed never gets lame for me, and the CGI standards if not up to Hollywood standards are at least more polished than those on the likes of Dr Who, admittedly not a hard thing to achieve!)

Have to admit I can't work up any enthusiasm to unwrap my copy of "Doom" (when has a computer game EVER turned into a half decent movie?!)

At 12:45 pm, Blogger Riddley Walker said...

Umm, did they ever do the full, four-hour epic film adaptation of Pong? I can’t seem to find a copy anywhere... ;-)

At 10:14 pm, Blogger Jaded and Cynical said...

Over the past few years I've slowly come to the realisation that most movies are - in technical terms - a load of shite. Either they're made by retards with ADD (as in Ian's Pirates example), or they're just an endless repackaging of the same predictable elements.

Even the moviestars are shite. I watched Blood Diamond and The Departed at the weekend. In both films Leonardo DeCaprio looked liked the same vegetarian swimwear model dressed in a different costume. He's about as credible in a toughguy role as the camp one from Ant and Dec.

Sorry, Lucy. Cinema really was better back in Cromagnon times. Hey, it couldn't have been any worse.

All the good stuff now is on TV.

At 1:07 am, Blogger Good Dog said...

My 'vast generalisations'? I dunno... kids, eh!?

I shouldn't have watched Smokin' Aces because I don't like the vapid, shouty-shooty films, British or American. I mean all the terrible messes that have been flung onto the screen in the wake of Lock, Stock and Stuff it up your arsehole are proof enough of the pestilence rife in the entertainment industry.

So as not to make that a massive generalisation, I should say that I thought Layer Cake was just phenomenal. Amazingly, after such proximity to him, Matthew Vaughn didn't go down the route of Mr Madge twattery when it comes to directing.

Pong - the unrated, extended edition - is something I'd be on my knees begging to watch. I'd probably enjoy it more than The Departed which I thought was a real letdown.

Because J&C is spot on, after all the movie nonsense, I went back to watching The Shield on DVD.


Post a Comment

<< Home