We Have A Winner!

Bloody hell, he only went and flipping won it! So it’s out with Ken Livingstone, who disappointed us all by turning into a self-serving weasel far sooner than expected, and in with BoJo, who rather worryingly carried out a virtually gaffe-free campaign.


Which means during all the glad-handing and photo-ops our dear Boris never wedged a foot firmly into his mouth once. Frankly, that’s a disappointment. But there’s still time. This is, after all, the man who described the Tories as “the funkiest, most jiving Party on Earth!” and stated

“My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.”

While we wait for that next fresh disaster to liven things up, there’s time to remind ourselves of more of the wisdom of mayor-elect Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson to go with these previous gems.


Boris on the 2005 campaign trail:

“What’s my view on drugs? I’ve forgotten my view on drugs.”

Boris on Tony Blair:

“It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.”

Boris on George Bush:

“The President is a cross-eyed Texan warmonger, unelected, inarticulate, who epitomises the arrogance of American foreign policy.”

Boris on the Liberal Democrats:

“The Lib Dems are not just empty. They are a void within a vacuum surrounded by a vast inanition.”

Boris on the pros and cons of British immigration:

“It is often immigrants who like waving flags and receiving CBEs, and they certainly seem pretty good at cricket.”

Boris on Euro-scepticism:

“I can hardly condemn UKIP as a bunch of boss-eyed, foam-flecked Euro hysterics, when I have been sometimes not far short of boss-eyed, foam-flecked hysteria myself.”

Boris on using a mobile phone while driving:

“I don't believe that is necessarily any more dangerous than the many other risky things that people do with their free hands while driving - nose-picking, reading the paper, studying the A-Z, beating the children, and so on.”