Sunday, June 17, 2007

Doctor!!! ...No!!!

I gave it my undivided attention for about eight or nine minutes, which I thought was more than fair. But with Captain Twat clinging to the outside of the TARDIS screaming like a big lady-boy, Insect Lady drinking her own milk and the silly savages who went a bit mental with their box of crayons...

It was proof that last week’s Blink, along with the two-parter that preceded it, was simply an aberration rather than an upswing in quality. Shame. The fact that they were based on previously published material that required plot over empty spectacle might have had something to do with it.

I mentioned in a comment last week that it would be great to have a story where people look up into the night sky and watch the light from the last long-dead star finally wink out. How much emotional pull can you get from something like that? What would it be like to stand there, looking up into the heavens and just be greeted by the permanent midnight of infinite blackness?

Obviously not worth giving it a second thought, because although mentioned in passing they went straight on to the typical inanities. Where were all the people going exactly? How long had the spaceship been waiting for the lemon soaked paper napkins so it could make the trip? Wait a tick, I don’t think I really care.

After all, the whole episode was just a contrivance to remind everyone of something the big face of Boo-Boo had said and then reintroduce The Master. Didn’t anyone in a story meeting have the guts to raise their hand and mention that it was a complete crock of shit? Or were they too busy creaming themselves at how brilliant is was to bring back one of the most useless villains ever?

What does the character mean to the new, younger audience? Probably nothing. But to the aging fan boys trapped in their arrested Doctor Who adolescence, they must have gone into a frenzy and bucked with uncontrollable emissions as the character was first revealed, then went into a bright light-show regeneration.

Whereas Sir Derek Jacobi barely got away with his dignity intact, what was up with Simm? What was he doing there? The excuse, I suppose, is that he was doing it for his kiddie. But... all he needed was a black cape, a moustache to twirl, and some railroad tracks to tie the companion to. Actually, that would have been understated compared to the way he kicked off.

In a word: cunty.

6 Comments:

At 2:04 pm, Blogger Riddley Walker said...

“Tell me something. Is this hospital called Saint Crock of Shit’s?”
-Sanchez

Garth Marenghi could have tossed off something better than this, I would hazard. I rest my case.

 
At 3:57 pm, Blogger Jaded and Cynical said...

A night out would be a lot cheaper if the women just sat there drinking their own milk.

The show is so mediocre that it's pointless criticizing it. It's like trying to pick holes in an episode of the Chuckle Brothers.

Good luck with the Granada project, guys. Hope that comes off for you.

 
At 7:57 pm, Blogger Good Dog said...

You try and pick holes in the plot and simply punch a hole through it from the offset.

I can't understand all these adults squealing like a bunch of fucking girls about it. I mean...

 
At 8:31 pm, Blogger English Dave said...

How dare you! In fact how diddly dare you!

Did you not see the FX? There was more than 2 bob spent there let me assure you. Who cares about plot and story! Did you see the rocket! And I for one am glad that I get to explain the nature of bisexuality to my kids on a Saturday night at 7pm. God bless Captain Jack and Russel T Terrier. Doc Who is what 4 quadrant viewing was invented for.

 
At 10:36 pm, Blogger Riddley Walker said...

“Chuckle Brothers: The Movie”

 
At 1:15 pm, Blogger Ian said...

It was dire! I didn't object to Sims so much as the infantile, hackneyed story used as filler to the "big" fanboy "reveal" at the end. A very lazily put together episode!

And why do so many of Billy Bunter's episodes have a running time that consists mostly of ... running time. How many times do we need to see people running up and down the same corridors with bad music playing?

Time to turn off - at least until the next Moffat episode shows up.

 

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