Thursday, September 09, 2010

What It Says On The Tin

I finally caught up with the last couple episodes of BBC One’s The Deep before they disappeared from iPlayer and was planning to comment on the drama, but every time I thought about those five hours of my life I’d wasted my gorge would rise and I’d be screaming out for a brain bleach. So in the interim here’s something that dropped into my inbox a while back.

Though email is an absolute boon, like everything there is always a downside. At one extreme you can have your account hacked – and by the way, anyone who got an email from me entitled Making her climax is finally so easy, let’s just say it didn’t come from me – or just as galling are those bloody circulars filled with “funny” photographs, shaggy dog stories or lame jokes that used to take ages to download before the arrival of broadband but are still a complete waste of time. One of my cousins makes a habit of sending out multiple emails with this kind of nonsense every other Friday and most times I’ll give each one a cursor glance before junking them.

Amazingly one of his last electronic missives actually involved something interesting. Though this may not be the best time of year to make light of airliners, here is the new livery for Kulula Air, a low–fare South African airline that operates out of Johannesburg. [click on each image to enlarge]

The airline’s attendants make an effort to add levity to their safety lecture and in–flight announcements. Here are some examples that have been reported in the past:

“Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

“Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”


At 9:47 pm, Blogger Professor Featherstonehaugh said...

Love the Kulula Airlines stuff, googled them and found actual recordings of the cabin crew's announcements. If only all the airlines were as honest


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