Monday, August 11, 2008

Code Blue

I noticed that on the BBC iPlayer the first episode of Spooks – Code 9 was given the guidance ‘Contains some strong language’. The odd muttered “fuck”, included in the episode to make it “edgy” for BBC Three, was nothing like the fucking language heard here as I watched this twatting great steaming pile of retarded horseshit.

I suspect I’m not the target audience because I don’t need L and R painted on my shoes and can tie my own laces. Also I’m not a knuckle-dragging fucktard. But this offshoot was simply more evidence that if the BBC wants to save both money and their reputation, Three needs to be scrapped.

The idea that a nuke goes off under the 2012 Olympic stadium and, with the capital now uninhabitable and presumably the main centres of government and the security services knackered, MI5 implements a system of recruiting new agents. Rather than sniff around the Oxbridge student population they get slack-faced fucknuts who are young and “street”.

What a great idea! The reasoning behind getting youths sign up for Queen and Country was that, just like policemen, the terrorists are getting younger as well. For fuck’s sake! The only thing missing from this idiot group of wazzocks was a big Great Dane that habitually scarfed snacks to help solve their mysteries.

Last week the BBC cancelled the lamentable Holby Blue because nobody wanted to watch it and Corporation suits, apparently, were concerned it’s abject failure as an interesting an appealing drama could “undermine the Holby brand”. After all, Casualty and Holby City are sparkling examples of... er, uninteresting and unappealing dramas.

A few more episodes of Spooks – Code 9 and the special Spooks brand is going to look like it excitably shit all over itself. That would be a shame because Spooks is perhaps the only British drama that actually embraces intelligent and fast paced storytelling. Given the rubbish Kudos have been spewing out of late, it’s probably the only decent programme the company is making.

Right when the episode had finished on iPlayer, once the end credits had rolled and identified Kudos as the culprits, it went to a grey screen across which was the statement:

This doesn’t seem to be working. Try again later.

I knew that, and no, I don’t think I’ll be back.


At 12:32 am, Blogger Jaded and Cynical said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 12:38 am, Blogger Jaded and Cynical said...

It really is that bad.

It's like Torchwood without the rubber masks.

Last night the gang were on the trail of 'Britain's top mercenary', who, of course, 'is a 15-year-old hoodie with a burger fetish.'

Yeah, that whole burger fetish thing is the undoing of so many international terrorists.

It's how they caught Carlos The Jackal.

Interpol staked out every McDonald's in Europe and waited for someone to order a happy meal, hold the pickle.

As with Torchwood's legendary blowfish-in-a-sportscar scene, how does shite like this get past even the first set of adult eyes in the production process?

On a positive note, I glanced around the internet this morning expecting the usual puff, spin and soft reviews.

To my utter shock, for once, the press seems to be calling it like it is.

How does it feel to be part of the consensus for a change?

At 12:57 am, Blogger Good Dog said...

I was going to be a top mercenary killing machine but the Dominoes Mighty Meaty pizzas were my downfall. Especially when I was a vegetarian.

I thought they got Carlos because of his finicky KFC orders?

The flipping blowfish in the sports car would have made a more plausible villain. Maybe he was in the second episode. I just couldn't bring myself to watch it.

I checked the TV reviews in a couple of the broadsheets' websites and they were too busy jabbering about Andrew Marr overseeing Britain From Above. Having dodged bullets there I gave up.

With this and Bonkers - the last episode tomorrow is about Excalibur! Oh, huzzah!! - along with all the other crap slopped into the BBC schedules, no wonder dear old Sir Bill Cotton has passed on.

At 7:53 pm, Blogger English Dave said...

Youse trippin' dude. Code nine is sick. Iz da bomb. You don't get yoof, innit.

[note to BBC3 controller- I am available for weddings, christenings and anniversaries and have my own sketchers]

At 9:41 pm, Blogger Lucy said...

Aaaah Dave, it's SKECHERS, blood!

Soz I like, in't bin round a while dawgs. But reassuring now I's back to see nuttin changes, you're still all drowning in bile. Niiiiice.

At 9:59 pm, Blogger Good Dog said...

Now that's just talking bollocks!

At 1:55 pm, Blogger Lucy said...

Sorry luv, you mean:


We yoof day it sarf African stylee these days man, 'cos we is international.


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